Int:HerView-2: Female Relationships
Updated: Apr 25
Relationships are what makes us. It makes our life a little less hard. It is what keeps us sane, an abode where we can halt for the while when we might be in self-doubt or feeling a little detached from ourselves or less empowered. When you know there are people who root for you, always there for you to guide you onto the right path, you feel assured. That assurance and trust, you know, no one can snatch away from you, but what happens when it's no more, even the few days spent together seem to be long enough to be forgotten easily. In today's interview, let's face it via someone's story with the hope that it helps someone else gather their thoughts over the next steps they take when they "have to" lose someone dear by their own choice and not compulsion. While interviewing one of my dearest friends, I realized, sometimes choices are made out of compulsion because YOU GOT TO take care and save yourself from something toxic to your mental health. Heading over to it-
Q. WHAT IS YOUR CURRENT STATE AFTER BREAKUP?
A. I am by myself now. I haven't been able to come out of the trauma it has left me with but I realized that what matters now is how the other person had treated me and not what I feel for him still. The latter never lets you come out of the vicious loop and you keep getting back to the point where you started from.
Q. HOW HAVE YOU COPED UP WITH IT?
A. I haven't coped up with it yet. I go through it every single moment. Because we were emotionally and physically really close. At least, from my end, I felt so. But I was also an escape for him, maybe temporary. All I know is that he didn't treat me well. No matter how much ever it hurts I would NOT look behind.
Q. ACCORDING TO YOU WHEN DOES A RELATIONSHIP START BECOMING TOXIC? - KEEPING IN MIND, THE EFFCT OF ONE GENDER OVER THE OTHER.
A. Communication is the key to all relationships. Space is important but after that you need to communicate and tell how you feel. There is nothing like "nothing has happened to me, I am okay." It's a lot inside. This creates a gap. Sometimes you can't be just enough for each other because the other person doesn't want to perceive you. Toxicity starts when you have a lot to say but you just conclude it by saying "okay". Because you know they won't understand or don’t care and also you aren’t strong enough to let go. Human of any gender can go through this, nothing to stereotype here.
Q. HOW TO COME OUT OF IT STRONG AS AN INDIVIDUAL? DO HEARTBREAKS MAKE ONE STRONG?
A. It's a daily process of breakdown. It's like moving two steps ahead and one behind. It hurts a lot; it will be like drowning in an ocean of pain and darkness especially if you were the one who wanted it to workout. But if it did not, maybe because the other person didn't put in as much efforts as you. Our hearts and minds are stupid in love. Even an intellectual who is reading it might denigrate this now. But when in the situation you will legit feel it. Love is such a strong feeling that even if you are put down you can't really let down your hope. You go through it. Probably at some point in time you become strong and get ready to accept.
Q. WHAT CARE SHOULD ONE TAKE OF THEMSELVES AFTER BREAKUP AND WHAT HAVE YOU DONE FOR YOURSELF?
A. I found it ridiculous when I googled that focus on yourself. But when you emotionally know that things won't work no matter how much you want, you would eventually see other perspectives of life. Knowing and accepting are different but in the same direction. So, do something that makes you happy. I danced and had friends to talk to.
Q. ARE THERE ANY GENDER EXPECTATIONS IN A RELATIONSHIP? (IN GENERAL, AND IN YOUR CASE)
A. Nothing as such, one should help each other out of difficult situations and oh! even in housework and simply be there for each other always, some way or the other. Respecting one another- their choices, lifestyle, work, etc. is a must though!
Q. WHAT KIND OF EXPECTATIONS ARE NATURAL AND UNNATURAL? WHAT COULD BE THAT ONE FACTOR THAT CAN MAKE YOU FEEL LESS CARED FOR OR PUT DOWN IN A RELATIONSHIP OR NOT RESPECTED ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS OR AMBITIONS?
A. Too much of expectations is what I feel as unnatural. As I said earlier, division of work, respecting each other and always being there are some of the basic criteria for any relationship. I would feel less cared for if the other person isn't giving the same effort as me to make the relationship work and if the guy doesn't have time to tend his support during my ups and downs.
Q. HOW DOES A RELATIONSHIP HELP IN BOOSTING CAREER AND EMPOWERMENT IN GENERAL?
A. Teenage relationships can be very uncertain. Because no matter how strong and firm promises you make to one another, ahead in time someone will break it (in most cases) and say, "I can't do this anymore." Relationships take a lot of good faith and loyalty. It would only be contributing towards a healthy career if both the people are willing to make it work, trust each other and give space with communication and clarification to one another. Moving across different cities make it difficult but it can work. Relationships are meant to act as support systems to keep you happy and naturally creating a good mind space for your work. It is actually true for any type of relationship.
Q. DO YOU BELIEVE IN THE SAYING- ALL BOYS ARE THE SAME? COMMENT YOUR VIEWS ON SUCH A STEREOTYPE SOCIETY HAS CREATED.
A. The stereotype is not totally wrong though. It makes sense 90 percent of the time. There are few male characteristics that are same for every guy and we can't deny it but accept. Of course, we can speak out whenever we feel uncomfortable and make each other understand our POVs.
Q. WHAT ARE THE BASIC ELEMENTS EXPECTED FROM BOTH THE SIDES IN A RELATIONSHIP? AS IN WHAT SUSTAINS A RELATIONSHIP?
A. Commitment, communication, good faith, respect and most importantly having a strong desire to be with each other.
Q. WHAT ARE THE IMPORTANT THINGS AN EX TEACHES? WHAT'S YOUR TAKE ON IT?
A. To focus on oneself and that to be able to grow old with someone who can help the other shine in their professional and personal life are important. That's what I perceived from mine.
Q. HOW DO YOU THINK PEOPLE IN OUR SOCIETY LOOK AT BREAKUPS OR BEFORE-MARRIAGE RELATIONSHIPS?
A. Some people see it as a defamation of your character, a scale to measure your purity which really shouldn't be the case as it is solely the person's choice always.
Q. HOW DOES SEX LIFE EMPOWER YOU AS AN INDIVIDUAL? WHAT ARE THE CHANGES YOU HAVE FACED IN YOUR BODY AND THE RELATIONSHIP AFTER YOUR FIRST SEX? DO YOU NOW FEEL BETTER ABOUT YOUR BODY? HOW HAVE YOU EMBRACED IT?
A. Sex is a sacred act. It's like an exchange of energy to one another. It can hurt if one is a first-timer. But after that, it is pleasurable. We grew closer after it but now I regret having it with someone I have broken bonds with. Anyways, it's done back in the past. Every day, I try in bits to move on. I always embrace my body with or without sex (if you are a virgin, there is no pressure, please take your time in a relationship, don’t rush so you don’t regret your first time) and everybody should own their body.