-Toluwalase Amuni
"Chasing you like a shadow are the anxieties within that bind. Face the light, anxiety is behind."
AS I STAND LOOKING OVER THIS BALCONY, I STARE AT
THE LIGHTS IN FASCINATION.
IT'S LATE, YET SO MANY
PEOPLE ARE AWAKE. I STARE AT THE SKY, NOT A STAR IN
SIGHT. I GUESS THE MOON IS MAD, SO THE SKY IS STARK.
I WANT TO SMILE YET I CAN'T. I WANT TO SMILE AT THE
SKY BECAUSE WE ARE SO ALIKE- NOT A LIGHT IN SIGHT.
BUT I CAN'T, BECAUSE I FEEL SO EMPTY.
I'M JEALOUS OF THESE PEOPLE WHO STILL HAVE THE
LIGHT TO GO ABOUT THEIR BUSINESS. I STARE AT THEM in WONDER AND WANDER HOW
THEY DO IT. HOW DO THEY
KEEP GOING? HOW DO THEY KEEP THE LIGHT BURNING? I
TRY TO REMEMBER HOW IT FELT TO HAVE A LIGHT BUT I
CAN'T. I TRY TO REMEMBER A TIME WHERE I FELT LIKE I
COULD DO SOMETHING. BE SOMEBODY. NOW THE ONLY
QUESTION I ASK IS 'IS IT WORTH IT TO BE SOMEBODY?'
I TRY TO REMEMBER A TIME WHERE I FELT SOMETHING. IT
IS NAUGHT BUT DUST... AN OLD DUSTY MEMORY.
IT'S THIS MEMORY THIS FAINT DUSTY MEMORY THAT
GIVES ME THE STRENGTH AND THE COURAGE TO GET OUT
OF BED EACH MORNING AND JUST BREATHE. BUT THE
MEMORY IS FADING. LIKE THE SETTING SUN IT IS
GRADUALLY FADING AWAY, ONLY WITH NO HOPE OF
RISING AGAIN.
AS I STAND, LOOKING OVER THE BALCONY I NOTICE THE
CHILDREN. SO CAREFREE, AND I TRY TO REMEMBER WHAT
IT FELT LIKE TO BE A CHILD, TO BELIEVE THAT MUM AND
DAD WOULD ALWAYS BE THERE FOR ME. THERE TO KISS
AWAY THE HURT AND SADNESS, THERE TO CHASE Away THE BAD INFLUENCES AND THE
BAD THOUGHTS. I TRY TO
REMEMBER HOW IT FELT LIKE TO THINK MOM AND DAD
WERE PERFECT. THAT THEY HAD ALL THE ANSWERS. BUT
ALAS I CANNOT. THE MEMORIES ARE LIKE THE MORNING
DEW, WE DO NOT SEE AS IT HAPPENS, WE DO NOT KNOW
WHEN IT WILL APPEAR AND WE CANNOT TELL WHEN IT WILL
DISAPPEAR. TRY TO REMEMBER A TIME WHERE I FELT
SOMETHING.
AS I STAND LOOKING OVER THE BALCONY, I SEE THESE
MEN AND WOMEN BUBBLING WITH SO MUCH HOPE FOR
THE FUTURE. WORKING HARD, DOING THE BEST THAT THEY
CAN. HOPING THAT ONE DAY THEY WILL ACHIEVE THOSE
DREAMS... I SEE THESE YOUNG PEOPLE EXPERIENCING LIFE
WITH SO MUCH VIGOUR AND VITALITY BELIEVING THAT
THEY CAN CHANGE THE WORLD. I DON'T KNOW IF THERE IS
MORE TO LIFE, ALL I KNOW IS THAT HOPE IS NOTHING. IT'S
A FEELING, AN EMOTION THAT KEEPS YOU GUESSING, ON
YOUR TOES BUT NEVER REALLY DELIVERS. IT IS A LIAR
THAT MAKES YOU KEEP WANTING THE MOST ELUSIVE
THINGS, A DECEIVER THAT TELLS YOU THAT PEOPLE CAN
CHANGE. THAT THERE IS A LIGHT AT THE END OF THE
TUNNEL.
AS I STAND LOOKING OVER THE BALCONY, I WONDER
HOW I WOULD FEEL IF I SAT ON THE RAILING AND JUST LET
GO. I WONDER HOW I WOULD FEEL IF I JUST LET THE WIND
TAKE ME. I WONDER IF I WOULD FEEL EXHILARATED,
WITH
THE WIND CARRYING ME... CARRYING ME TO A PLACE
WHERE I CAN FINALLY FEEL.
Poem courtesy- my friend, Toluwalase Amuni
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